Sunday, June 8, 2014

Ambien-head

My friend Sally takes Ambien.  As a result, she has some crazy weird dreams, many of which she blogs.  I can't find the link right now, but trust me, they are weirder dreams than mine, and that's saying something.  She also has some of the other side effects of Ambien, like eating in the middle of the night, and doing other things that she doesn't remember.  She woke up one morning with burs stuck all over her nightgown.  She still isnt' sure what happened there, but her husband started trying to be more cautious about keeping an eye on her, especially when they are camping.

For some reason, the internet has a draw after she's taken her Ambien.  Like the time she ordered 50 pounds of gluten free pasta in her sleep.  I mean, she likes pasta, but 50 pounds? She also posts a lot on Facebook after Ambien, which is pretty random, as well as hilarious.  I'm not sure that this exchange between herself and her daughter could be blamed on the Ambien, but it's a small example of why I love her so much.

Sally:  Laying here worrying for more than an hor.  Can't turn my brain off.  Isn't the Ambien supposed to turn that off?
Sally:  Things to worry about: Josh, the flower beds, should we buy new furniture, who's going to take care of the pets next weekend, why didn't we ever move Jewel downstairs, if I go to the sofa now Ebby will want out of the mudroom, that sofa is uncomfortable to sleep on.  I hate that sofa; we need a new one........and the beat goes on!
Sally:  Corri, why I'm not worried about her, Chad, while I'm at it, vacation, why am I so itchy...
Sally:  Chad's dentist apt.  I'm hungry, but I'm not supposed to snack after I take Ambien, but I know what's going on, but I'm not supposed to be on FB after I take Ambien - because I do crazy shit......Maybe I should delete this whole post!
Corri:  Uh....Josh is ok.
The flower beds are fine for now.
No. STOPPIT.
What's next weekend?
Jewel came and went over a decade ago.
Yes, Ebby wants to be near you.
I'm sorry, you can sleep on our couch if you want to, or our bed.
Not sure why you're not worried about me.
Dunno why you're worried about Chad.
Vacation will be awesome!
Because we are itchy people.
His appointment will go great.
Don't eat.
Go to sleep.
I love you <3 span="">
Sally:  What do you mean his appointment will go great?  He has one?  I suck.  It took me more than a week to check in on him. No what?  SHOULD I be worried about you?
Sally:  Uh, Father's Day and race at France Park?
Corri: All of the answers go with each question you asked.
In order.
You don't suck.
You're sleepy.
Sally:  I'm still awake and downstairs now.  You didn't answer me.  SHOULD I be worried about you?  Did you know about the race next weekend?
Corri:  No.
And yes.

For the record, Josh and Corri are her kids.  Chad is Corri's boyfriend.  Jewel was their rabbit, and Ebby is one of their dogs.

Love. These. People. SO. Much.  It's like Sethanese on drugs. I deemed it Ambien-head sometime back, and some of the best late-night entertainment out there.

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